Life with two

These past 5 and a half weeks have definitely been some of the hardest, most joyful, challenging, and humbling weeks of my life. I was pretty naive going into it, thinking "oh, we've had THREE kids so we can totally do two. No problem!". I think I underestimated how difficult this transition would be on Ruby, thus making it difficult on ALL of us. From the minute Ruby met Lucy, she has been crazy about her. Constantly loving on her, hugging her, kissing her, pointing out her body parts, and wanting to help burp her, change her diaper, put her paci in, etc. She's the sweetest little girl in the whole world, and being a big sister really brings out her sweetness. However, she's an almost two year old, and no longer the center of attention 24 hours a day. Her mama spends her days with a baby attached to her, and can't always jump up and play with her whenever she requests. It's hard on her, and she has been having some seriously intense tantrums.
I felt a lot of guilt at first, wishing I could give her all the attention she wanted while also being able to meet all of Lucy's demands. We've watched waaay too much TV the past three weeks, and at times I've felt like my toddler is being raised by Mickey Mouse and Doc Mcstuffins. The first days at home were emotionally draining for me. Mostly, I'm sure, because of the crazy hormones raging in my post partum body, but also because I wasn't the mama I wanted to be for Ruby. Thank the good Lord that my wonderful in-laws were in town. They helped make Ruby feel loved, supported, and took her out to do fun things that we couldn't have done without them here.
Here's the thing though, it's okay that I feel like I'm doing a crappy job at times. It's okay that our tv is basically always playing cartoons. It's okay that I'm choosing my battles with Ruby, and maybe, just maybe, am letting her eat way too many fruit snacks and animal crackers because the child has decided that sitting down for a meal is the absolute worst form of torture we could ever come up with. We're figuring it out, and it's going to take a while to fall into a groove. That's okay.
One thing that I feel really good about is how much we love these girls. That, I know, is something that will leave a mark on them.  Seeing Ruby softly hold Lucy's hand as we rock each night singing our goodnight songs, hearing her say "ohhh no honeyyy!" when Lucy starts crying tells me that we're doing at least one thing right. Teaching her to love. And she loves so well.

She also throws a mean tantrum.
But let's focus on the love.

These two girls of ours are such a gift. They bring us so much joy and so much love.
I feel so lucky to get to be their mama. Watching them grow is the best gift.