Ruby-- 13 Months

Finally getting around to adding pictures to this post that was written in September...

It's hard to believe I have a toddler. Ruby still feels very much like a baby in a lot of ways, who am I kidding, she still IS a baby...my baby. She is definitely growing and changing at a rapid rate at this point. She is learning SO much every day, it is so fun to watch her change.

Our girl is not interested in walking...at all! She will take a few steps to us if we force her to, but that quickly turns into a meltdown if we don't reward her with some holds and cuddles. What can I say? She's spoiled, and loves to be held. I oblige because I love to hold her. It's win, win really. Until my arms start to feel like they are about to fall of. She's crawling at lightening fast speeds and cruising around furniture like it's her job so there's really no point in her walking. I get it, Rubes.

Speaking of her love of being held, this girl can give a great hug, and it's one of her favorite things to do. Just say "Ruby, can I have a hug?" and she will wrap her chubby arms around your neck and rest her sweet little head on your shoulder. Occasionally she'll make this adorable "awwwww" sound while she's hugging, too. It's the best. Seriously. She's also mastered the open mouth kiss, full of slobbery love.

Ruby got a really cute little tea set from our friends for her birthday, and she LOVES to pretend to drink out of her tea cups (and the kettle). She makes sucking sounds as she tilts the cup back and always offers it to others with a cute little "huh?" as if she's saying "would you like some tea?" (in a fancy British accent of course). Playing with her is SO fun these days. She is imaginative and silly. She's still a huge fan of music and dancing, and can always be cheered up by getting her groove on.

We finally have Ruby eating some solid food! This girl loves carbs just like her mama and can devour a piece of bread like a grown man. She's currently a vegetarian and turns her nose up to any meat that I place in front of her. One time she mistook a piece of ground beef for a chocolate chip (because everyone eats their spaghetti and cookie at the same time, right?), and her face was priceless. She slapped her tongue over and over again like I had just tried to poison her. She loves fruit, especially bananas, mangoes, and peaches. She will sometimes eat veggies, but only when the mood is right. My little cajun baby really enjoys jambalaya, red beans & rice, and french bread. She loves greek yogurt, apple sauce, and oatmeal, but ONLY if she can feed it to herself. Cue: huge mess. I'm practicing letting go of control and letting her explore and make a mess with her food. Baths have been bumped up from 3 times a week to a nightly occurence because of this, though. We've gotten her down to nursing just once a day (at night) on school days and 2-3 times a day on the weekends. She still takes one bottle (of whole milk) in the morning when I would usually nurse her, but am normally gone before she wakes up, and is drinking the rest of the day out of a sippy cup. She still asks for "na-na" (milk) pretty regularly, but her requests can be deflected by playtime or a cracker.

Unfortunately, my wish for a healthy month did not come true. We dealt with pink eye, a infectious booty rash, and a constant snotty nose/cough this month. Still no ear infections though...praise the Lord for tubes! This girl doesn't let a little cold or pink eye slow her down though. Just like I always have said, she rolls with the punches, and is still her happy little self for the most part.

Ruby is still sleeping like a champ. I'm grateful for a good sleeper. The only thing we need to work on getting away from is the fact that I still nurse her to sleep. If she's too riled up, I will put her in her crib to fall asleep by herself, but that always means at least 10 minutes of crying. I would really like to get to the point where I can put her in her bed and she will just lay down and go to sleep. I'm sure we will get
there!

Ruby can now identify most of her body parts, and she is so proud of herself for it, too! Her favorite thing to show off is her belly. When you say "where's your belly?" she lifts up her shirt with the biggest smile and rubs her belly over and over again. She's also started copying our copious amounts of raspberry blowing on her belly and will randomly lean over and blow raspberries on random body parts, and will eventually get to your belly if you'll let her. Watch out, this girl knows how to raise a shirt! ;)

Have a accurately described how absolutely awesome Ruby is? I hope so! She is SO fun. I am loving this age. I know that with growing, learning and becoming her own little person she is also gaining opinions, likes, and dislikes. I think just because she can't put into words quite yet exactly what she wants (and her wants and opinions are increasing by the day), this has resulted in a whole new level of temper tantrums. She now throws herself on the ground with her head resting on her arms and just cries. It's quite dramatic, and I usually have to hold back the laughter. It's usually over not getting something that she wants, us not being able to understand what she wants, or just random emotional breakdowns (I get those, too!). Overall though, she's still an absolute delight. Even in her crabby moments, all she really needs are a few cuddles and she's back to her normal self. We are blessed with such a sweet girl!

Ruby's 13 month favorite things:
-Bath time! It's back on the favorites list! Last month she HATED baths...would scream like it was torture. Now she loves it. Babies are so weird.
-Banjo, Mama, Dada, J & J (foster brothers...she really does love them despite her occasional bouts of jealousy)
-Books
-Music
-Playing with her baby dolls and tea set (how girly! haha)
-Being outside
-Milk
-Pulling all of little J's clothes out of his dresser every night while we read stories and pray
-Identifying her body parts
-Putting on and taking off shoes. She could do it all day long. It drives her daycare teachers nuts.
-Giving hugs

Ruby's 13 month not-so-favorite things:
-Leaving mama or dada
-Being told "not right now" or "no"
-Meat
-Mama giving foster brothers too much attention (she's started trying to hit the little one when I am holding him...yikes!)
-Still hates being changed, but it's becoming a little easier to distract her with a book or a toy.
-Trying to walk

Our sweet Ruby, 

If I had to come up with 5 words to describe you they would be sweet, independent, determined, funny, and smart. You have such a great personality that is coming out more and more every day. Your teachers at daycare always comment on how smart and funny you are, and you have everyone wrapped around your little finger! We are so proud of you, and love you more than we could ever say. Your daddy and I often say that if we could be guaranteed babies as great as you, we might never stop having them. That's not true (because there is definitely a point where enough is enough), but that's just how great you are! I am so happy that you came into our lives 13 months ago...life would not be quite as sweet without you in it. 

We love you, baby girl!

Mama 

Grace.

I have had one of those nights weeks where I feel like I am doing nothing right in this role as a mama. I have recently (although it's something that I struggle with very often) become ridden with guilt over not being able to stay home with Ruby. I often feel like I'm not being the best mom that I could be for her because I only get to see her for 3-4 hours every day, and when we are together I'm usually tired, making dinner, cleaning, doing laundry, and disciplining and teaching the other two kiddos we have in our home right now. Every night when I lay her in her crib, kiss her cheek and walk out of the room I feel like I'm going to cry. Feeling like you're not doing your best at what you view as your most important job ever is pretty gut wrenching. I have noticed this week in my exhaustion that these feelings of not being good enough are consuming me, and making me even more into a person that I do not want to be (how about that?!). I have been impatient and not very graceful with the boys, when all they need is constant patience, love, and support, and I can see it starting to affect all of us in small ways.
Then I sit down after a long, hard day of work, kids, LIFE and reflect on all of these ugly feelings. You know what? The grace that I'm kicking myself for not giving to the boys when they lied about who spilled the juice, or my screaming one year old who just cannot be put down for one second, is what I really need to be giving to myself. That's always good place to start, and finish. Grace. And goodness knows that I'm not great at extending that grace to myself. I'm grateful for a husband that is filled with this grace, and is able to speaks truth to me continuously, reminding me that Ruby is loved and she knows it. She's loved at home, she's loved at daycare, and she already at the ripe old age of 13 months exudes the love she receives and dishes it out so well. She is a thriving, happy, and smart little girl who is well taken care of. I am blessed to have a job that helps us feed our family, allows us to have health insurance, and welcome other children that do not have a place to call home into our home to love them, care for them, buy them clothes and teach them about Jesus. Sometimes though? It's hard to keep those thoughts in the forefront. This guilt, this "mom guilt", is crippling.

But he said to me, "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I will delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Cor. 12:9&10)

His grace is sufficient. His grace is waiting for me in the morning when I wake up in a dark house to the sounds of the ones I love sleeping peacefully around me. His grace is there when I softly kiss my sleeping baby good-bye for the day. His grace is there as I drive to work wishing I could have more time with my girl. His grace reminds me that this life, this crazy wonderful journey is a long winding road of figuring out how get better at trusting Him. "Trusting that the God who built our kids will parent them in our absence, will grow them in courage, and teach them over time that this is what love looks like. Gritty, committed, and determined to do what is necessary."*

And drenched in grace, friends. Drenched in grace.  

*(taken from this amazing blog)

Ruby -- TWELVE Months

I still can't believe I have a one year old. A tiny part of me wants to mourn the fact that my baby's infanthood has quickly vanished, but I'm having way too much fun enjoying her becoming a fun, interactive, hilarious, crazy little person to be sad.

Ruby's first birthday fell on a Saturday, which was perfect. We were able to take her out to breakfast to one of our favorite local spots, The Ruby Slipper (fitting, huh?). Ruby and I shared some bananas foster french toast, and she made quite the scene by spilling a glass of water all over the place, then gagging on some french toast and throwing up on the table. She also made friends with everyone around us by waving and showing off her precious grin. She's such a people person, always saying hi to every single person that passes us by. I just love her so much.

I can't say that Ruby has changed a ton since our month 11 update. Maybe that's because I did the month 11 post about 2 weeks late. She's definitely become more mobile, and is super close to walking. She will stand by herself for as long as she wants and has amazing balance, but is just not interested in taking steps. I'm not pushing the subject, because I know once she starts, there is no going back! She gets into enough trouble just being able to crawl at lightening fast speeds, I can't imagine what it's going to be like when she starts walking.

Our girl still has not had a month where she has been completely healthy. I think we've been dealing with some sort of sickness at least once a month since December. Thankfully, she has not had anymore ear infections since her surgery last month. She did get hand foot and mouth, another random virus, and is now dealing with some sort of respiratory infection and strange rash. Maybe next month she'll be healthy the entire month? I sure hope so. She deserves the break!

Ruby is still sleeping like a champ! I am so glad we have finally reached the point where I can put her to bed and know that it's about a 99.9% chance that she will not wake up until morning. Most nights she goes to bed around 8:00-8:30 (sometimes earlier, sometimes later...we follow her cues) and wakes up anywhere from 6:30-7:30. If we're lucky on Saturdays (our only chance to sleep in at all), she will come snuggle in bed, nurse, and fall back asleep for a while.

We're still going strong in the breastfeeding department. So far, I have gotten ZERO cues from Ruby that she is ready to be done. She is getting a lot better about accepting solid foods, and has definitely increased her intake of food pretty significantly. However, she still wants to nurse whenever the opportunity is presented to her. She knows how to ask for it and has even started saying "muk???" with the sign for milk when she's ready. The only downside is she doesn't yet understand "not right now" or "in a little while". She quickly escalates from politely asking for milk to a total meltdown if I don't deliver. This is just one example of how she is getting much more opinionated and persistent about her needs and wants.

We haven't taken her in for her 12 month appointment yet, but if I were to guess, I would say that she has finally gained a little weight. Now that she is actually eating things other than breastmilk, I'm sure she is at least up to 21lbs. I packed away most of her 9 month outfits, and busted out the few 12 month things that we have. Some of the 12-18 month stuff still swallows/falls off of her, but I know it will be fitting her soon.

Ruby hasn't added many words to her vocabulary this month, but we can tell she understands much more than we thought she did. She knows "what does a dog say?" "what does a cat say?" and "what does a sheep say?" her favorite response is "woof woof" and any time we see a dog (tv, books, and in person) she likes to show off her barking skills. She is still signing more, milk, and all done. She says mama, dada, milk (muk, or nah-nah), dog (dah), and points to herself for Ruby.

Ruby's 12 month favorite things:
-Mama, Dada, Banjo
-Swinging
-Pointing and asking "huh?"
-Bananas
-Dancing. We got her a little piano for her birthday and she LOVES pressing the buttons and dancing to the songs. Cutest thing ever.
-Playing "catch": rolling the ball back and forth. She has quite the arm on her.
-Walking with her new radio flyer walker wagon.
-Being outside.
-Blowing kisses
-Clapping and saying "yay!"
-Milk (by far Ruby's favorite thing ever).
-Reading books. Ruby LOVES books.

Ruby's 12 month not-so-favorite things:
-Saying bye to mommy and daddy in the mornings
-Bath time. Some how this has turned from a favorite thing to a not-so-favorite thing. We have to keep her distracted the entire type she's in the bath or she screams and cries.
-Changing. Still awful, but getting better. She likes to read books now while you're changing her, and can usually be distracted long enough to get through a diaper change successfully.

Ruby, 

Oh, beautiful girl, you continue to amaze us with your sweetness, silliness, and smarts! Every day you learn something new, and your daddy and I feel so privileged to be apart of this journey with you. It's been a year since you came into our lives, and it has been the best year ever. Life with you in it is so much more fun and full of love. You've added so much to our lives, baby girl. Being your mom and dad is such a gift, and this year with you has been the biggest blessing. We love you more than words could ever say. Keep shining, little love. Happy first birthday.

Mama 

Ruby's First Birthday

We had a great time celebrating our girl's first birthday today! I'll let the pictures speak for themselves. 

Happy birthday Ruby!! You're the best. 

Birth Day Eve

A year ago I was sitting on the couch dealing with the same "crampy contractions" I had been dealing with for 10 days straight. I had decided the night before that I was going to be content with waiting. I wasn't going to stress myself out anymore about making this baby come. I would wait. And try to be as patient as humanly possible. So when my cramps started to feel a little more like something else I brushed it off as I had a little too much chick-fil-a lemonade while browsing at the mall earlier that day. I took Banjo for a walk and told myself "we are just going on a legerly walk...this walk will not help the baby come", because reverse psychology works when you're doing it to yourself, right?
Andrew got home shortly after we had finished our walk and was preparing to go to Bunny Friend practice. I waited until the second he was about to go to mutter "maybe you shouldn't go...". At this point, I knew. Today was the day.
Fast forward about 7 hours of hard, hard labor. Quietly (for the most part) working in the tub to slowly move her body out of mine.
It's 11:30 pm. I distinctly remember looking at the clock and saying to Andrew "I wonder if she will be born today or tomorrow..." After what seemed like an eternity of pushing, pushing, pushing, crowning, not being allowed to push, oh, and the worst pain that has ever been felt in the history of the world, I pulled her out. Cue: heart exploding with more love than you can ever dream up, imagine, or put into words. She was beautiful, with her little bloody face all scrunched up looking around at us like "hi guys, I think I know you". All I could say was "hi" back, and about a hundred "I love yous".
No words can adequately describe that moment. I will never, ever feel that way again. Even if I have more biological children, no feeling can replicate the one when you become a mama for the first time.
It's pure magic.
After helping Ruby with some slight breathing issues she had a first, the nurse brought her back over to me to nurse for the first time. Another magical moment that I will never forget. Ruby knew exactly what she was doing, and even in my post-labor delirium I remember being extremely impressed and grateful with how intricately we are made. Labor, birth, and meeting your baby is so very instinctual and it just amazes me. Our bodies know what to do, her body knows what to do...truly a miracle.
Our family trickled in to meet our girl. They fell in love just as quickly as we had.
I've written before about that night and how special it was for me.
I wouldn't change a thing about our choice to have a un-medicated hospital birth. I feel so much pride and happiness about how we brought Ruby into the world.

Here we are, now. On the eve of my baby's first birthday and as you can see, I am heavily reflecting on the night she became ours. I love telling the story over, and over again because it is easily the best night of my life. The moment I became Ruby's mom is my proudest moment. A year later, I'm just as proud (if not more proud) to be her mama. Every day since that night has been filled with joy, laughter, smiles, hugs, and kisses, and it's because of her. She has changed us.

We'll celebrate a lot more than Ruby's 1st birthday tomorrow. We will celebrate our first year of being mama and daddy. We'll celebrate the fact that God has immensely blessed us with a daughter who is so perfect in every way for us. We'll celebrate that she is healthy, happy, and thriving. And we'll celebrate the fact that we have so many more fun times ahead.

Ruby, you are our sunshine. A year ago, you made us parents and oh my goodness, I love being your mama! You bring us so much joy and are such an incredible little girl. You're growing and changing and becoming less and less of a baby right in front of our eyes. I've got to go ahead and be the cliche mom that says "I can't believe how fast this year has gone by!", because it is so true. Life with you has been such a fun adventure that it's just flown by! You're amazing. I'm so thankful to get to be by your side on this journey. I love you so incredibly much, my girl. Happy birthday. 

Love Forever, 

Mama