Life with two

These past 5 and a half weeks have definitely been some of the hardest, most joyful, challenging, and humbling weeks of my life. I was pretty naive going into it, thinking "oh, we've had THREE kids so we can totally do two. No problem!". I think I underestimated how difficult this transition would be on Ruby, thus making it difficult on ALL of us. From the minute Ruby met Lucy, she has been crazy about her. Constantly loving on her, hugging her, kissing her, pointing out her body parts, and wanting to help burp her, change her diaper, put her paci in, etc. She's the sweetest little girl in the whole world, and being a big sister really brings out her sweetness. However, she's an almost two year old, and no longer the center of attention 24 hours a day. Her mama spends her days with a baby attached to her, and can't always jump up and play with her whenever she requests. It's hard on her, and she has been having some seriously intense tantrums.
I felt a lot of guilt at first, wishing I could give her all the attention she wanted while also being able to meet all of Lucy's demands. We've watched waaay too much TV the past three weeks, and at times I've felt like my toddler is being raised by Mickey Mouse and Doc Mcstuffins. The first days at home were emotionally draining for me. Mostly, I'm sure, because of the crazy hormones raging in my post partum body, but also because I wasn't the mama I wanted to be for Ruby. Thank the good Lord that my wonderful in-laws were in town. They helped make Ruby feel loved, supported, and took her out to do fun things that we couldn't have done without them here.
Here's the thing though, it's okay that I feel like I'm doing a crappy job at times. It's okay that our tv is basically always playing cartoons. It's okay that I'm choosing my battles with Ruby, and maybe, just maybe, am letting her eat way too many fruit snacks and animal crackers because the child has decided that sitting down for a meal is the absolute worst form of torture we could ever come up with. We're figuring it out, and it's going to take a while to fall into a groove. That's okay.
One thing that I feel really good about is how much we love these girls. That, I know, is something that will leave a mark on them.  Seeing Ruby softly hold Lucy's hand as we rock each night singing our goodnight songs, hearing her say "ohhh no honeyyy!" when Lucy starts crying tells me that we're doing at least one thing right. Teaching her to love. And she loves so well.

She also throws a mean tantrum.
But let's focus on the love.

These two girls of ours are such a gift. They bring us so much joy and so much love.
I feel so lucky to get to be their mama. Watching them grow is the best gift.

Lucy-- One Month

Oh my goodness this girl is SWEET. She's mostly a very content little baby. She cries when she's hungry and tired. She has occasional gassiness which makes her unhappy as well, who can blame her?!   She's laid back most of the time, which I am incredibly grateful for considering her sister is the OPPOSITE of laid back these days. 

This kid loves to eat. She's still eating every 1-2 hours during the day (usually closer to 1), and about the same amount at night, with some longer stretches mixed in here and there (if I'm lucky!). She's still in her all of her newborn clothes, but it seems like she's getting a bit long already for her sleepers. She's up to 9lbs 15oz, which is almost 3 whole pounds more than her birth weight, so I'd say she's getting plenty of food! She's also already 23 inches long (in the 96th percentile for height...not sure where she got that from). 

Sleep: Not happening. Actually, that's not entirely true. She's faked me out a few times and given me a couple 4 hour stretches, and then is back to eating every 1.5-2 hours the next night. I guess it's better than never sleeping 4 hour stretches at all, right? I'm hopeful that she's going to be a good sleeper though. We'll see! She does let me lay her down at night as long as she's swaddled and asleep. 

We're starting to see a few social smiles here and there, but she's mostly just very, very inquisitive, quiet, and serious when she's awake. I can usually get a couple of smiles out of her if I work REALLY hard and at the perfect time. Usually her favorite time to smile is right after she wakes up from a nap before she enters the "OMGOSH I'IM STARVING FEED ME NOW" stage of being awake, which usually gives me about a two minute window to get smiles out. 

Favorite Things: Mama, milk, sleep,  being held ALL THE TIME (by mama...and no one else) and cuddling. 

Least Favorite Things: The carseat. She HATES it. I'm hoping and praying she grows out of this before our roadtrip to Texas in August. She's also not a fan of being put down. Ever. 

Best Moment This Month: Hands down, the best moment(s) this month have been watching Lucy and Ruby get to know each other. Seeing Ruby love on Lucy is by far the sweetest thing I've ever seen in my life. Ruby talks to her in a super high pitched baby voice and it's hilarious (and ear piercing). Lucy gets endless kisses and hugs, and I'm convinced she is going to be the toughest little one ever because it's not always the most gentle affection, and Lucy rarely complains. 

Dear Lucy, 

This past month has been such a whirlwind. You have changed our lives so much, and it has taken some getting used to for all of us. We wouldn't change anything for the world though. You have brought so much joy and love into our lives. Your sweet personality and pretty blue eyes have us all wrapped around your little finger. We feel so lucky to have you in our lives and get to watch you grow. 

We love you! 

Mama

Here's a picture of Ruby at 1 month, just for some fun comparison! 

I think my photography skills have slightly improved in the past two years!

Lucy's Birth Story

Friday June 13th, 2014.

I was awoken at 3am by a strong contraction, I laid in bed for a couple of minutes waiting to see if another one would come thinking "this is it, she's finally decided to come on her own!". Another one came about 3 minutes later. I got up to use the bathroom and walk around a bit. The contractions were strong, but not strong enough for me to feel like I needed to wake up Andrew, only coming every 3-5 minutes. I went ahead and decided to get up for the day and jumped in the shower.

After a long talk with my doctor the previous evening, we had made the difficult decision to come in the next day to have my water broken due to several different factors. I was, and still am, very adamant about letting nature take its course and allowing things to happen on their own, but felt extreme peace about my decision (and have absolutely no regrets, either). We were to arrive at the hospital at 6am the next morning for some monitoring and then I would have my water broken at 7, and from there just pray that was all that was needed to convince our girl to make her appearance.

After my shower, the contractions seemed to have tapered off a bit. I was disappointed because I really was hoping that I wouldn't have to take the intervention of getting my water broken, but wasn't able to get too sad about it because we were still going to get to meet our girl today. It was a strange feeling, getting ready for the day, leisurely blow drying my hair at 4am, and packing the remaining items in my hospital bag without rushing. Andrew and I had a nice, relaxing drive to the hospital in a light drizzle (much more relaxing than the monsoon we had to drive through to get to the hospital when I went into labor with Ruby), we chatted about random things, and made it to the hospital with time to spare.
We got checked in, and my wonderful OB, Dr. P, came by around 7:15, checked me (I was dilated to 4, 80% effaced, basically the same that I was that past Monday), and broke my water. She told me that she wanted to monitor the baby for 15 minutes, then I would be unhooked and allowed to walk, walk, walk. So, that's what we did. Andrew and I walked those halls more than I ever wish to walk. At noon, I was having some stronger contractions, but deep down I knew it wasn't enough to have made much, if any, progress. Sure enough, not much progress had been made at all. I was dilated to a 5. My nurse Diana (who I am SO thankful for...she was such a great asset to our labor experience) made a phone call to Dr. P, who said she could start me on the lowest dose of pitocin. I knew this was coming. I had talked to my doctor the day before about what would happen if I didn't progress enough on my own after my water was broken, and told her that I really wanted to avoid pitocin if possible. At this point, I was open to trying the 3mg of pitocin, and seeing what happened.

After about 30 minutes of the pitocin my contractions were coming every 2-3 minutes apart and were getting quite strong. My doc came by to check on me around 1:00, and I asked her if we could discontinue the pitocin. She asked if I thought I was ready to do this on my own and I said YES, so my IV got heplocked, pitocin got put away, and I got in the tub immediately after that. I'm so thankful that 30 minutes of pitocin was all that it took to kick my body into gear...and especially thankful for a doctor that was open to stopping interventions and letting my body do the rest.

Things really picked up the pace from here on out. I got in and out of the tub a couple of times, hung on Andrew, swayed, walked a little, and changed positions several times. I was much more mobile with this labor than I was with Ruby's. I was more comfortable moving and changing positions this time, with Ruby's labor I literally hung out in the tub for 6 hours straight. I spent most of my time reminding myself over and over again that I can do this, that my body was made for this, and that I was completely capable of having this baby.

 I only doubted myself once, and verbalized that to Andrew and Diana, who were both extremely encouraging and helped me get passed that self doubt. I got back in the tub after getting out to use the bathroom, and almost immediately felt the urge to push. Diana checked me and said that I had a pretty thick piece of cervix on the right side that still needed to thin out before Lucy's head could fully come out and if I kept bearing down it could possibly swell and make things more difficult in the long run. She recommended that I turn around and get on my knees in the tub to encourage her to come down and thin that piece of cervix out some more. These were by far the most intense moments of my labor. Diana noticed that I was blowing out during the most intense part of the contraction and told me to try moaning, or growling instead. I did, and I have to admit that I felt a little bit silly doing it, but it really did help! Andrew used the sprayer that is attached to the tub and sprayed hot water on my back and that really helped me relax some too.

I think Diana must have called Dr. P at some point during this time, because she showed up not long after I started laboring on my knees in the tub. She had me turn over and said if I felt like I needed to push, I could go ahead and start. So, I did! Dr. P is a great encourager when it comes to pushing. It's funny, because before I started pushing I felt like my contractions were right on top of each other, but once I started bearing down during the contractions, they seemed to spread out a little more. It was a little annoying at the time because I was just SO ready to get Lucy OUT and was getting impatient waiting for the contractions to be able to push. I think I only pushed 3-5 really intense times, and our beautiful Lucy Joy made her appearance.

I don't know that any mother can fully describe the moment that you meet your sweet baby after so much hard work to get her here. The swell of emotions is so intense. So much joy, relief, instant LOVE. I didn't pull her out like I did with Ruby, I don't think I had the presence of mind to reach down because I was holding my own legs and things went so fast. I grabbed her pretty quickly and held her on my chest while she was still connected through the cord. I couldn't believe how tiny and perfect she was! I just kept kissing her and saying "hi, Lucy!" over and over again.

 Such an amazing feeling. Lucy was gurgling a little bit with her breathing, so Diana took her over to the warmer to suction her out really well. Andrew and Dr. P helped me out of the tub after I birthed the placenta, and moved to the bed to get a few stitches and feed Lucy for the first time. Having Lucy nurse for the first time was such a sweet, peaceful moment for us. She latched on immediately and has never looked back...this child LOVES to eat. I felt so relieved and a huge amount of pride about the fact that I! DID! IT!

After Lucy was done eating (for that moment), Ruby came in to meet her little sister. We really weren't sure what to expect out of Rubes in this moment, but she was so incredibly sweet and excited. She hugged, kissed, asked lots of questions ("hat?" "nose?" "finger?" "blankie?" "mommy's milk?"), and helped "shhhh" Lucy when she started crying. My heart has never felt so full as it did sitting on that hospital bed with both of my baby girls in my arms. Sweet moments I will never forget.
The nursery nurse came after we had let Ruby have plenty of bonding time with Lucy, and she was so nice. She let Ruby "help" with everything. Ruby helped give Lucy her first bath, and was very concerned when Lucy started crying when the nurse was checking all of her reflexes. I'm so thankful for the caring, compassionate nurses we were blessed with that day.

Oh, what a beautiful day it was! I am so happy that we had Angelle, NOLA Birth Photographer there with us to capture all the moments of the day. She did an amazing job, and now we will have these wonderful photos to cherish forever.

Our Precious Lucy, 

Your birthday will forever be filed under the "one of my most favorite days" folder in my heart. Laboring to bring you into the world was such a gift. A painful, beautiful, challenging, amazing gift. Your daddy and I have loved you from the second we learned that you were growing in my tummy, but getting the chance to hold you, kiss you, and see your beautiful face for the first time made that love grow and multiply x a million. You are one loved little girl. We are so lucky to have you in our lives, sweet little one. 

Here's to many more wonderful adventures together. 

Love you forever, 

Mama