Update

We got the news from Bug's social worker around 4:30 this evening that his grandparents were awarded custody. Our hearts have been on a roller coaster ride today and when I finally heard those words I felt something that I did not expect to feel: relief. 

I am relieved this day is OVER. What started out as an ordinary day quickly changed into one of the most emotionally difficult days I have had in quite a while. I was able to relax knowing what the heck was going on....the waiting was SO hard. 

I am relieved that Bug is going to be get to be with his family. No matter how much Bug loved us (and I know that he did), we were still unfamiliar, doing things he's never done and going places he had never been. Being with his family will bring him comfort, I'm sure. We pray that Bug feels loved, safe, secure, and no longer scared. 

I am also relieved that Bug is not going back to his parents yet. While, I really hope that someday his parents will get their act together and be reunited with Bug, I definitely didn't think 5 days was enough time to do that. I'm thankful that the judge thought the same thing. 

We really miss Bug so much. Like I said before, we love him, and it's hard to let go so quickly. We've spent the whole evening saying things that he would've been saying and laughing about how cute/funny he was. We packed up his stuff and wrote him a little note that I hope someone will read to him telling him how much fun we had with him and how special and wonderful we think he is. Someone from DCFS will come pick up his things in the morning, and all we will have left are the sweet memories (and the huge carton of goldfish that I bought for him). I told Andrew tonight "we will never, ever forget him". It's true, we wont. 

We went out to dinner tonight as a family to celebrate the difference that Bug made in our lives, and the fact that we now know that we can do this. We made it through our first placement! While Bug will always have a little piece of our hearts with him, we are excited to invite more in. 

I'm not finished processing all these emotions. It's hard to really know exactly what your heart is feeling when there are so many different things going on inside of it. I'm happy for Bug, sad for us, but also full of anticipation of what's in store. I guess the one feeling that I can settle on is HOPE. Because we all have it, no matter what, there's always hope. 

Thanks for joining us on this journey. 

Bug was so timid and scared at first at the pool, he gained a lot of courage & trust there and ended up jumping to Andrew many, many, many times 

Playin' together.  

This boy LOVED "his puppy". The first night he was with us, Banjo was the only one who could comfort him. 

Our First Placement

We got the call that we have been eagerly waiting for on Thursday afternoon. The voice on the other end told me a brief story about a two year old boy who was removed from his home for neglect. A few hours later, Andrew and I were rushing around trying to prepare for this little life that would soon be joining ours. We saw the minivan pull into our driveway and went out to greet him with Ruby bouncing and sucking on a frozen peach on my hip. Out of the van pops a little boy with straight blonde hair and pretty blue eyes.

He was visibly scared a confused, and had just been awaken from his nap in the car. The social worker walked inside with us and gave us some paperwork to sign, then left as quickly as she had come. Suddenly, our lives had changed. I looked at Andrew and said "we have two kids", he came back with "TADA!".

Turns out that the little guy (we'll call him Bug here....mostly because I was calling him Bud one day and he turned to me with a concerned face "BUG??") was 3, not 2. He was tall, his sweet little face was covered in dirt,and his fingernails long with black dirt underneath them. We talk some about trucks, and show him his room with his big boy bed and stuffed animals waiting for him. That night was rough for all of us. He cried a lot, and we did a lot of comforting. We all fell in love.

Fast forward 5 days later. He's constantly hugging us, asking for "kiss" and saying "I lub you". We have little games we play, and things we say, like when we buckle him in his car seat "Bug has 1 leg" and he corrects us "NO! TWO LEG!", ect.. He's apart of us already. He calls Ruby "bebe" and Banjo "puppy". He is enamored with them and constantly says "look at that bebe!" "look at that puppy!!". He loves "gofish" and says ouch in the cutest way possible "OUSH". He loves bath-time, in fact when we got home from a BBQ at a friend's house last night the first thing he said was "BATH? Take a bath?!". We were told he didn't have running water at his house, so I'm sure he was just so excited to be ABLE to take a bath. He makes us laugh and smile, and truly has brought our house so much joy. He's affectionate and lapping up the love that we are dishing out. We've committed our hearts to loving this little guy 100%, no matter what.

I got a call this morning shortly after getting to work from his social worker, she told me that Bug had court and had to be there in an hour. She apologized for the late notice, and said that someone would be picking him up in 30 minutes. A million things ran through my mind. I'm mostly worried about how today will go for him, I know he's scared and confused in yet another new, unfamiliar place. I hope they have toys for him to play with, and that someone nice and patient is watching him. I wish I could be there to tell him that everything is okay, and make sure he knows how much we love him. I'm letting my thoughts run on, and think about if the judge says he can go home today. We wont even get to hug and kiss him goodbye, or tell him one more time that he is SO loved. My eyes keep welling up with tears and I keep pushing them back down.

I take a deep breath and remember who is in control. I remember that God has already written Bug's story, and that He will never leave or forsake Bug. "I will never leave you, or forsake you. Know that I am with you, you will never be alone" are words to a sweet song that I would lightly sing to Bug when he was nervous about going to bed. Those words are ringing in my ears today, I need them too, I need to know that Bug will never be alone, even if we can't be with him.

I guess going into foster care, I didn't anticipate loving as much as I do. I mean, I knew we were going to be committed to loving the kids that came into our home (for however brief or long-term), but I guess I'm just surprised that I love THIS much. I guess we wouldn't be doing it right if we didn't love Bug as much as we do. We are 100% in, and loving at 100% as well. I think (and hope) that Bug felt that.

I don't know what will happen today with Bug. This morning when I hugged him tight and kissed his sweet little face over and over again might have been the last time I will ever see him. That's surreal to me. To love someone so hard for such a short amount of time and then never see them again? It's a strange feeling. It's a feeling that I'm willing to embrace, though. I know we are going to grieve when Bug leaves us, but I also know our hearts are capable of so much more love. I'm excited to see where God takes us, and who he brings to us to love.

We're in this 100%.

Saturday in the Park

Who is singing that song now? 

I am. 

In fact, I just pulled it up on youtube to listen to while I type this...Chicago had some rad hair and beards. 

We had a nice (& hot) Saturday in the park that is close to our house on Saturday. We went with the intention of feeding the ducks. Unfortunately, I don't think we were the first ones with that idea so the ducks already had full bellies and were not interested in our bread.

We still had fun though! We let Banjo run around the dog park and meet some new friends, walked around and looked at the water and sleeping ducks, and then ended the trip with our first snow-ball of the summer. We let Ruby have a taste and she LOVED it. She was bouncing up and down grunting for more. 

We love weekends! 

"Hi Dada!"

More interested in eating the bread than feeding it to the ducks 

Hot dog! 

Sweet, happy girl

The boys

YUM!

Lunch Fast for Local Orphans from First Baptist New Orleans on Vimeo.

Ruby -- Eight Months

Just when I think that being Ruby's mom could not be anymore wonderful, it gets even better. Ruby is SO much fun. She is such a little social bug, and is constantly making us (and everyone else) laugh and smile.

Besides the double ear infection at the beginning of the month, this was a relatively healthy month for the girl, which has not happened much since she started daycare. I keep telling myself that hopefully this means she will have all her immunities built up by the time she is in Kindergarten and will be healthy while all the other kiddos are getting sick all the time.We'll see if that proves to be true, or just a mama's false hope. I'll let you know in 5 years.

Ruby is crawling! It's not full speed crawling, but slow and steady wins the race, right Rubes? She inches her way to whatever catches her eye and grunts and squeals along the way. She's pulling up on things constantly now, and it makes my heart race when I come back into the room and see her standing pulled up on something (like the basket of blankets) that might not be able to support her healthy, chunky self. She's bonked her head a few times, but bounces back like a trooper. She's a rough and tumble little thing, I'm afraid she got that from her mama. Hopefully it wont translate to multiple trips to the ER like it did for me.

Speaking of chunk, when I took Ruby to the doctor for a follow-up for her ear infections (three days after her 8 month birthday) she weighed 20 pounds! My arms are getting SO strong. I kind of couldn't believe it because she has not been eating quite as much, and has been moving a lot more, but I guess she's getting all the nutrition she needs. I love, love, love her thighs. They are so soft and mushy and there is nothing in the world the is sweeter to nibble. Ruby still favors lunchtime, and pretty much refuses to eat anything but puffs for dinner. I think it's mostly a control issue (again, a trait she got from her mama), because she loves to everything by herself, but hasn't quite mastered the art of chewing food. I'm not pushing or forcing her to eat because I know that she will eat something other than breastmilk and puffs eventually. Plus, milk is all she really needs anyway!

Ruby is wearing size 3 diapers and a whole bunch of different sized clothing. She still fits into a lot of her 3-6 month shirts, but has outgrown all of her 3-6 month pants. She wears 6 month and 9 month onesies and 6-12 month from old navy. Most dresses are 6 month and 9 month dresses are still a bit big. It's strange to me that she is so heavy but still fitting into her smaller sized clothes so well. I'm glad she's getting good use out of them, though!

Ruby's sleeping has stayed about the same this month. She's still sleeping from around 8:30pm-7:00am. Can't complain. If she does wake up in the middle of the night she is usually able to soothe herself back to sleep pretty quickly, and if not some snuggles with mama or daddy always do the trick. She's only taking one nap at daycare from 12-2, but when she's home with me during the day on weekends she'll still take 2 shorter naps (1 morning, 1 afternoon). She usually falls asleep in the car on our way home from work/daycare, which is awesome because it's usually rush hour and the only thing worse than traffic is traffic with a baby screaming in your ear!

Ruby is such a little smarty pants (at least we think so...). She has words that she knows and responds correctly to, and is already picking up some sign language that we have been working on with her. She knows "clap", "bye-bye", and "hi". She will usually perform and show off her tricks for anyone. She is able to say "more" in sign language when she wants more of something (PUFFS. Always more puffs.), and is getting close to mastering "all done". We're so proud of her, and I think its shows...maybe just a little. 

Ruby has a tooth! It's a tiny little dagger right in the middle of her bottom gums. It hasn't made its way completely through quite yet, but it's definitely there. Can I just say OUCH?! Oh my goodness. The worst part? When she bit me the other day while nursing, I pulled her off and said sternly "Ouch Ruby! That hurts mama when you bite! Don't bite mama!", she started cracking up. Ummm? We're in trouble....

Other than that specific, terribly painful moment, her laugh brings us so much joy! She is a giggling fool. She has started doing this "fake" laugh, where she will let out a little "hehehe" when you're talking to her about mundane stuff. I can tell she doesn't really think it's funny, but is just giving us a little courtesy laugh to let us know she's engaged. Her belly laughs are frequent and are usually induced by something Banjo is doing. She loves that dog.

Ruby's favorite things:
-Banjo.
-Bath time.
-Mama. Ruby has become quite the mama's girl this month. She is still very social and doesn't mind going to others, but there are times where she makes it VERY clear that all she wants is some mama snuggles.
-Sticking her tongue out (see above pics)
-Puffs. So many puffs.
-Looking at pictures of herself on our cellphones. We will scroll through pictures and she will chuckle with every single one. She loves it! It's so funny.
-Copying sounds. She loves it when she grunts or makes a funny noise and we copy her. She smiles so big and then waits for us to copy her again. It's cute.
-Favorite foods: anything sweet (apples, mango, banana, pear, PUFFS), she also loves avocados.

Ruby's not so favorite things:
-Changing clothes. Sleeves are still the worst thing ever.
-Sitting still.
-Getting her nose wiped.
-Getting fed baby food with a spoon. She wants to do it ALL BY HERSELF. I bought some reusable squeeze baby food pouches and they are working ok because she can have some control. Such an independent little thing.
-Food dislikes (for now, I know as we continue to offer them, she will hopefully start liking them): peas, green beans, plain oatmeal.

Sweet one, 

You are growing so fast Ruby girl. You are busy and keep your dad and I on our toes. We have to watch you constantly because you are always on an adventure looking for something to get into and explore. It can be exhausting, but I absolutely love that about you. I love that you know what you want and don't stop until you get it. I hope you always keep that spark, even though I'm sure it will cause us some grey hairs along the way. We are so proud of you, and feel so incredibly lucky to get to watch you grow, learn, and change every single day. You're the best. Really. 

With every ounce of my heart. 

Love, Mama