34 Weeks

How far along: 34 weeks! 

Due Date: June 9th, 2014

Gender: Girl! 

Name: Houston, we have a name...a first name at least. We're keeping it slightly under wraps until her birthday though. No reason really besides the fact that I remember getting really annoyed with people's reactions when I told them Ruby's name when we were expecting her. Sorry, but I really don't want your opinion. 

Weight Gain: Why is this apart of the questions, again? The numbers on the scale are increasing rapidly at this point thanks to my constant eating. Oh well, I'll loose it eventually...hopefully. 

Maternity clothes: Yes. All the way. My non-maternity work scrubs are getting a bit tight in the thighs and hip area, but I'm thinking I can make it another 5 weeks or so without buying anything new. 

Stretch Marks: Just the ones left over from Rubes. 

Belly button in or out: In most of the time, but sometimes out.

Food cravings: Chick-fil-a has brought back their peach milkshake. Part of me heard the hallelujah chorus singing when I found out, and another part screamed "NOOOOOO!" and ran for the hills. The hallelujah chorus part has won the battle, and I've successfully drank my fair share of them already. 

Sleep: Oh, sleep. It's a sensitive subject right now, mostly because I'm not doing much of it. I'm tossing and turning a lot at night trying to get comfortable. It doesn't help that little miss Ruby has decided the past 4 night that the ONLY way she will sleep is wedged between Andrew and I. I've kind of given up hope on ever sleeping again, and I think that's the best way to look at it right now. 

This week:  Spring break was last week and boy it was quite the week for our family! We started it off by buying a new van (like, NEW NEW), which is super exciting. The boys transitioned to their new adoptive home, and Ruby and I got a lot done around the house. We also had a huge garage sale for our dear friends that are adopting from the Congo. I'm back at work this week and I feel like I can relax (ha). 

Miss anything: Sleep. 

Movement: Still flipping and turning multiple times a day. Her movements are getting more painful, and I can definitely tell that she's running low on space in there. She gets the hiccups at least 3 times a day, and she is always in a different spot when they happen, so she clearly still has room to move around a lot. 

Queasy/sick or other symptoms: Heartburn still rages its ugly head pretty frequently, but that's to be expected at this point in pregnancy. My back and neck are hurting a lot lately, and I'm just generally uncomfortable at times. I still feel like I can move around pretty well though! Being on my feet all day Saturday definitely took a toll on me though...my feet and ankles got swollen for the first time this pregnancy. 

Looking forward to: Am I to the point where I can say I'm looking forward to meeting this girl? I mean, of course I've felt that way the whole time, but we're close enough that it feels really really real. I'm looking forward to Ruby meeting her little sister that we talk so much about and seeing her love her. It's going to melt me, I already know it. I'm also looking forward to these last few weeks of us being a family of three. I'm trying to soak up this sweet time with Ruby. She is at such a fun age and we are truly loving getting to spoil her with attention right now.

Last week when our kitchen sink was broken and I washed sippy cups in the bathroom with wet hair. 

31 Weeks

How far along: 31 weeks! Whoa! 

Due Date: June 9th, 2014

Gender: Girl! 

Name: STILL undecided. It's starting to become a little annoying that we can't decide on a name. We'll figure it out eventually though!

Weight Gain: up to 20lbs now...and I'm pretty sure gaining at least a pound a day with the amount of food I'm consuming. 

Maternity clothes: Yes. I'm squeezing into some of my non-maternity tops still, but pants are totally out of the question. 

Stretch Marks: Just the ones left over from Rubes. 

Belly button in or out: In most of the time, but sometimes out...weird belly button.

Food cravings: Potato chips. And cake. And frozen fruit. (does that last one cancel out the first two??). I've also recently become addicted to Sonic's mango iced tea. 

Sleep: I'm sleeping just fine, but always feel like I could sleep more when my alarm goes off and usually hit a wall of exhaustion around 2-3pm. Evenings are hard.

This week:  We're still dealing with issues with our "new" van. It's so annoying, I can hardly stand to even write about it here. Cars are just a giant black hole that suck money right out of your bank account. It's depressing. The weather is beautiful though, and I love getting to play outside in the evenings with the kids. On Sunday I folded laundry at the back door with it open while watching the kids play in the yard. It was really as lovely as folding laundry could get. 

Miss anything: I'm starting to feel a little less agile. I can't bend as easily, and picking up Ruby is getting harder and harder. My body can definitely feel the stress of carrying a baby in my belly and a toddler in my arms, and I'm sure it's only going to get harder from here on out. 

Movement: This little girl is a MOVER. I've been able to gauge recently if she's head down or not by her hiccups (which happen at least 2-5 times a day), and she is still rolling all over the place. This morning I felt her hiccups super low in my pelvis, and this afternoon I felt them up in my right ribs. She has definitely not assumed the head down locked and loaded for delivery position quite yet. Which, if she's anything like Ruby, she wont do until everyone is worried about her being breech at 38.5 weeks! These girls. 

Queasy/sick or other symptoms: Heartburn has been so much better recently (knock on wood). I've been trying to eat smaller meals, and I think that helps. Keeping tums on hand at all times doesn't hurt either. I'm really feeling pretty great! Last week I was having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions, and it was starting to worry me a little bit. My doctor checked me at my routine appointment though, and said there's no sign of anything moving toward early labor. She said that the BH contractions are usually stronger and more frequent with second pregnancies...oh joy!

Looking forward to: Spring break. A whole week of nesting. I'm planning on organizing Ruby's room (which the girls will share eventually), and start figuring out where baby's stuff will go. Also planning on washing tiny clothes and baby blankets. Couldn't be more excited. We're also knocking out all our doctor/dentist/hair/meeting with birth photographer appointments. I'm hoping to get a couple of zoo/aquarium/children's museum trips in with Ruby too. It's going to be a busy week, but I'm really looking forward to it. 

Here I am 30 weeks pregnant with Ruby for a comparison. Definitely carrying these two a little differently. Not sure what that means, if anything!

Ruby -- Month 18

I wrote this last month and just never got around to putting pictures in and posting it. Finally did it! No formal 18 month pictures like usual, but these instagram shots capture her pretty perfectly.

A year and a half. I'm not sure how it's possible, but time just keeps flying by so quickly. Our sweet girl is growing up so fast.

First pony-tail (rockin' the side pony!)

Andrew and I say almost every day to one another "I just love her so much" and "she is so much fun". I think I say this every month, but getting to watch her learn and grow is such a fun experience, and a privilege! Her little mind is constantly working and she is learning so much so fast! Ruby's vocabulary has exploded. She's talking non-stop. Not everything is understandable, but she definitely can get her point across and is trying so hard to say the words she hears us say. It's adorable.

Mardi Gras in style

She's really a smart little cookie. She can count to 3, sometimes 5. She likes to sing ABCs (granted, they aren't understandable), and she knows more animals than I knew in kindergarten probably. She loves to talk, and can understand everything we say to her. She is getting to where she will answer questions about her day like "who did you play with today?" or "what did you have for lunch?", which is really fun. I'm really proud of her, in case you can't tell.

Ruby's first St. Patrick's Day parade! She caught her first cabbage, too!

Dinner at our favorite po-boy place...Parkway!

Ruby spent her first week (really first time over 24 hours) away from us while we were in Hawaii this month. She had a blast in Texas with her Dano & DD, but definitely missed mama and dada (we missed her about 100x more, I can assure you!). I wasn't sure how she would do with facetime, she sometimes just gets sad to hang up when we have done it in the past with friends/family. She did great though. It was sad at times because we could tell she just wanted to touch and hug us, but she handled it really well and it definitely helped passed the days to be able to see her sweet face and hear her raspy little voice.

 When we got back from Hawaii, we celebrated my long time friend Danielle's marriage to her sweet hubby Tim. Ruby was one of their flower girls, and was basically the cutest little thing you've ever laid eyes on. She walked down the isle so well, and made everyone in the crowd smile from ear to ear.

Emily Davis Photography

Emily Davis Photography 

I can't say for sure, because we haven't been to the doctor recently (horray for that!), but I think she has gotten taller recently. Her little face seems like it's starting to thin out and she is losing some of the 'babyness' about her. She's eating great lately. Loving a lot of healthier options (broccoli, carrots, peas, apples are her favorites), and still loving all the not healthy stuff too (graham crackers, teddy grahams, cookies, ice cream, mac n cheese, pizza). She's become more of a decent eater although some days are hit and miss. She usually eats 1/2 of her lunch at daycare, and will most of time eat even less dinner. She definitely gets the bulk of her food in at breakfast and snacks.

Picking out flowers for our yard

I was a little worried that our being gone for a week would totally wreck havoc on our amazing groove we had gotten into in the sleep department. Ruby was a trooper for her grandparents though, and slept amazingly the entire time. She was pretty clingy when we got back. It didn't help that we were in a hotel for 2 nights right after we got back from Hawaii, so she got to sleep in a big bed with Mama. We had a few nights that were a little rough putting her to sleep when we got back to Louisiana, but she's back to going down mostly smoothly now. She's sleeping 10-11 hours at night, and takes 2-3 hour naps. Definitely can't complain! She's started asking to "wok" (rock) before bed, which I happily oblige to, and it has become a sweet little wind down time for us at night.

Sleeping in the bed with mama & daddy in Texas

The morning after we got back from our travels...tired girl!

Ruby has been interested in the potty for a couple of months now. Back in January she started telling us when she was about to go poop (TMI? sorry.), and so I did what every other first time mother would do, dropped everything and ran to target to buy a training potty. Ruby loves it. She loves to sit on it and read, and it's pretty much the cutest thing ever, but she definitely does not quite get the entire concept. She knows "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" go in the potty, I just don't think she's figured out quite how to get them in there. She asks to sit on it all the time "potty mama! potty!", and I almost always just let her sit on it in her diaper because 99.9% of the time she's just playing. I'm optimistic though (and most likely extremely naive) about it. I feel like she's interested and excited about using the potty and hopefully that will pay of sometime soon. We're not going to push it, and I definitely expect to have two in diapers for a while.

                                     

Favorite things:
-Babies. ALL babies. At restaurants, church, grocery stores, she gets SO excited when we see a baby. She's going to be such a great big sister.
-Dancing. This girl has some serious moves. I love it so much.
-Ruby has become very encouraging this month. If you do something good (sing a pretty song, dance with some good moves, give her something she likes), she loudly claps and says "YAAAAY Mama!!!" She also loves to "cheer" for people by doing a fist pump in the air and saying "Go Ruby, Go Nolan, Go Mama, Go Dada!" Whenever we start cheering we have to go through all of her favorite people before we can be done cheering (usually multiple times).
-Animals (especially dogs and cats). She's become extremely obsessed with our neighbors cat, Minnie. Every time we go outside she starts calling "Minnnnieeeee!!!" She's always so disappointed when Minnie doesn't want to be pet.
-Reading
-Ice (sonic ice). She loves to have the ice after we finish our drinks. I ordered her her own little cup of ice at sonic the other day and she was so excited.
-Elmo. She can now sing "la la la la, la la la la, elmo's world!". So darn cute.
-Being destructive. She is literally a tornado in our house. Just going around finding things to pull off of shelves, out of drawers, and into toilets.
-Climbing. She's gotten to where she can climb up the ladder on our playground in our backyard. I'm always right behind her still because she just seems too little to be climbing so high, but she definitely gets mad at me if I try and help her.

These two...melt. 

Not so favorite things:
-Being told "no". She always thinks it's a joke. Like "no way they are ACTUALLY telling me to not do something!" When we get serious with her she is really heartbroken that she can't always have her way. She's a hardheaded little girl. It's her way, or screams. So, we hear a lot of screaming these days.
-Still not crazy about the car seat. Usually once the car is in motion she gets distracted by looking out the window, though. I still have her rear-facing, with no real intentions of forward facing her anytime soon, but I do wonder if forward facing would help her enjoy the car more. We'll see someday, I suppose!
-Sitting still (this includes in the grocery cart, doctors office, anywhere where running around like a wild child is not appropriate)

My girl, 

I love you so much. Being your mom is truly the best gift I've ever been given. Every day with you is an adventure, and getting to watch you grow is my joy. You have so much personality, spunk, character, and determination in your tiny little body. It's inspiring, and exhausting. You are an amazing little girl, and I am proud to be your mama. 

Ramblings of a Foster Mom

We're preparing for some big transitions in the Crosby house in the next couple of months. It's becoming enough to make my head spin, and I've just got to write some things down.
Our foster sons, J & J, who have been with us since September (going on 8 months), are moving at the beginning of May to an adoptive home.
Where? We don't know.
Things are very complicated, and at this point all that we know is that we are not meant to adopt them, and they need to be with a family that will be there for them forever. Coming to that conclusion was not an easy task, but it is one that we feel at peace about. These boys have been through more than any 3 & 5 year old should ever have to go through, and it shows. They are exhausting. They kick, scream, punch, and melt down at the drop of a hat, without explanation. They are HARD. We love them, but they are hard. These past 8 months have tried me in ways I don't even want to admit. I wish I could say that I've been the loving, caring, picturesque foster mom throughout this entire journey with them, but to be honest, there were days where all I wanted was for them to be gone. They push my buttons like nothing else.
They are also two of the kindest little boys you've ever met. They love Ruby and try to take such good care of her. They love to dance, and have got some seriously amazing moves. They have the cutest, deepest dimples and the sweetest brown eyes that light up at the most simple things. They make us laugh and smile and have brought so much joy to our lives the past 8 months  We love them deeply.
When people ask whats next for the boys, I struggle to find the words because there's a small part of me that feels like we are failing them by not choosing to adopt them. People say things like "Oh, if I could adopt them, I would do it in a heartbeat!!" or "they are so sweet...who wouldn't want to adopt them?" and even though I know their intentions aren't to be completely insulting I want to spit back at them "Oh really? Then by all means, here is their social worker's number! Please give her a call and lets get this show on the road, because they are READY for a forever home...like yesterday." But I nod and smile instead and keep those things in my head because really, people just don't get it. Until you have walked this strange road of foster care, you just cannot get it. It's not normal at all, and I don't expect anyone to understand. I can't explain fully why we aren't adopting them because there aren't really any reasons. It's not because they are hard kids, it's not because I've been punched in the face multiple times in the past month, it's not because everything in our house has been either chewed on or peed on, it's not because they have deep lingering issues that will take years, if not a lifetime to work through, it's just not what is right for our family right now. I don't expect people to understand that explanation, it's extremely vague and I'm sure if I was on the other side asking someone why they wouldn't want to adopt two precious, curly headed boys that look like they could be my own sons I probably wouldn't understand either.
It's not normal.
The crazy part of all of this is that we are going to hurt from this choice. It is going to hurt so badly to say goodbye to these boys. We truly love them. Ruby loves them. We're going to need prayer and support when they leave because a piece of our hearts will be leaving with them, it's going to be so very, very sad. But yet, it's the right thing to do. How incredibly confusing is that? I don't believe that we were made to make these types of decisions or feel these types of emotions, it's so unnatural. Here we are though, the decision has been made and while it's heartbreaking and painful, it's strangely what we know is right.
We have to trust that what we tell them every night at bed, that God loves them more than they will ever know and He has a special plan (or 'pecial pan as lil J says) for their lives, is true. We have to trust that we are making the right decision not only for our lives, but theirs as well. It's not something we take lightly.
You might be wondering why I'm telling you all of this. Mostly, to get it off of my chest because sometimes it just feels good to type my thoughts. But also because I want you to know that if you happen know someone who is having to make similar difficult decisions, please support them. Be ready to listen to them ramble on about all of the conflicting thoughts and emotions that come with these types of decisions, and be ready to not judge. It's going to be hard because you're looking in from the outside and all you see are precious children who need a family, and believe me, your friend wants nothing more than for those kids to find their forever family...it's just might not be them. It's weird and confusing and you're probably not going to understand. Instead of trying to understand, just love them and love their kids. Have their backs and let them know that they are supported.
We have an amazing support system. I have friends that have listened to me go on and on about this situation and have loved us ALL so well through these past 8 months. I've gone to dinner with fellow foster families that have made this exact decision and knowing that we're not the only ones was such a relief. Having people to listen and not judge has been an amazing blessing. I know that not everyone has that, and if this helps just one person be that support system for another foster family making these types of decisions, I'll consider it a success.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6