Our First Placement

We got the call that we have been eagerly waiting for on Thursday afternoon. The voice on the other end told me a brief story about a two year old boy who was removed from his home for neglect. A few hours later, Andrew and I were rushing around trying to prepare for this little life that would soon be joining ours. We saw the minivan pull into our driveway and went out to greet him with Ruby bouncing and sucking on a frozen peach on my hip. Out of the van pops a little boy with straight blonde hair and pretty blue eyes.

He was visibly scared a confused, and had just been awaken from his nap in the car. The social worker walked inside with us and gave us some paperwork to sign, then left as quickly as she had come. Suddenly, our lives had changed. I looked at Andrew and said "we have two kids", he came back with "TADA!".

Turns out that the little guy (we'll call him Bug here....mostly because I was calling him Bud one day and he turned to me with a concerned face "BUG??") was 3, not 2. He was tall, his sweet little face was covered in dirt,and his fingernails long with black dirt underneath them. We talk some about trucks, and show him his room with his big boy bed and stuffed animals waiting for him. That night was rough for all of us. He cried a lot, and we did a lot of comforting. We all fell in love.

Fast forward 5 days later. He's constantly hugging us, asking for "kiss" and saying "I lub you". We have little games we play, and things we say, like when we buckle him in his car seat "Bug has 1 leg" and he corrects us "NO! TWO LEG!", ect.. He's apart of us already. He calls Ruby "bebe" and Banjo "puppy". He is enamored with them and constantly says "look at that bebe!" "look at that puppy!!". He loves "gofish" and says ouch in the cutest way possible "OUSH". He loves bath-time, in fact when we got home from a BBQ at a friend's house last night the first thing he said was "BATH? Take a bath?!". We were told he didn't have running water at his house, so I'm sure he was just so excited to be ABLE to take a bath. He makes us laugh and smile, and truly has brought our house so much joy. He's affectionate and lapping up the love that we are dishing out. We've committed our hearts to loving this little guy 100%, no matter what.

I got a call this morning shortly after getting to work from his social worker, she told me that Bug had court and had to be there in an hour. She apologized for the late notice, and said that someone would be picking him up in 30 minutes. A million things ran through my mind. I'm mostly worried about how today will go for him, I know he's scared and confused in yet another new, unfamiliar place. I hope they have toys for him to play with, and that someone nice and patient is watching him. I wish I could be there to tell him that everything is okay, and make sure he knows how much we love him. I'm letting my thoughts run on, and think about if the judge says he can go home today. We wont even get to hug and kiss him goodbye, or tell him one more time that he is SO loved. My eyes keep welling up with tears and I keep pushing them back down.

I take a deep breath and remember who is in control. I remember that God has already written Bug's story, and that He will never leave or forsake Bug. "I will never leave you, or forsake you. Know that I am with you, you will never be alone" are words to a sweet song that I would lightly sing to Bug when he was nervous about going to bed. Those words are ringing in my ears today, I need them too, I need to know that Bug will never be alone, even if we can't be with him.

I guess going into foster care, I didn't anticipate loving as much as I do. I mean, I knew we were going to be committed to loving the kids that came into our home (for however brief or long-term), but I guess I'm just surprised that I love THIS much. I guess we wouldn't be doing it right if we didn't love Bug as much as we do. We are 100% in, and loving at 100% as well. I think (and hope) that Bug felt that.

I don't know what will happen today with Bug. This morning when I hugged him tight and kissed his sweet little face over and over again might have been the last time I will ever see him. That's surreal to me. To love someone so hard for such a short amount of time and then never see them again? It's a strange feeling. It's a feeling that I'm willing to embrace, though. I know we are going to grieve when Bug leaves us, but I also know our hearts are capable of so much more love. I'm excited to see where God takes us, and who he brings to us to love.

We're in this 100%.